Major Mass Spec and the Misfiring Electron Gun
by OMDP92
Summary: Abby's got a MAJOR problem with her mass spec; perhaps Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo can help out? ;  But remember, you're NEVER alone within the walls of NCIS. just a day in the office,  basic mass spectroscopy humour, rated T/M. TABBY. one-shot.


Tony DiNozzo loved women. Full-stop. He wasn't particularly fussy. Sure, he was as shallow as the next, if not more. She had to be attractive, but otherwise he didn't care. Tall, short, brunet, red-head, blonde, black, fair-skinned, dark-skinned, blue-eyed, green-eyed, brown-eyed, hazel-eyed, whatever, he didn't care. There was just something magical about women. As he had told Willy, there was something special you remember about every woman. Something, whether it was a piece of jewellery or their scent. Sometimes he was just attracted to the most random of people. Which is why rule twelve was such a major problem.

When he'd first started at NCIS, Gibbs had applied it to the team, to Blackadder, which wasn't an issue. Sure, she was physically attractive, but what lay underneath all that made him want to run away screaming. However, when Gibbs realized Tony planned to flirt and date with every female under 40 at the yard, he made it a blanket ban over NCIS, so Tony had had to make do. And he'd been fine. Until he'd met Abby. And then he realized he was screwed. She was absolutely stunning. Sure, some people thought she was peculiar, but he loved that about her. He loved her eyes; so green and deep he could lose himself in them, how they sparkled when she was happy. He loved her silky black hair; that he just itched to run his fingers through it. He loved her creamy skin-. He realized he sounded like a sap, and stopped.

Anyway, he had struggled through it. Then Gibbs had added Kate to the mix, and for a month there, that had been an issue. She was incredibly beautiful. But, she was also one of the most uptight people he had ever met, and she was such a prude. Besides, there was a zinging chemistry between her and Gibbs. He was, however, really irritated with the way she reacted to his any-way sexual themed jokes. Well, they do say be careful what you wish for. The night that Kate had died had been the worst of his life; the loss of a friend, and then nearly Abby, and then he had to deal with Abs draped all over him all night. Anyway, Kate's death meant the arrival of two newcomers; Ziva David and Jennifer Shepard, who clearly had a past with Gibbs. And all of a sudden, he was wishing for Kate's standoffishness again, in comparison to Ziva's flirting and sexual banter. It was dangerous, being surrounded by all these sexy women.

The root of the issue was still Abby, and it had gotten worse too nights ago when they had gotten wasted and ended up falling into bed together. They hadn't seen each other since, because Tony had been called out the following morning and had been following leads ever since. He had been thinking about Abby the whole time. What did this mean? He knew Abby would never go for anything less than a relationship, especially when risking the wrath of Gibbs. But could he deal with that? Tony DiNozzo didn't _do_ relationships. Relationships meant seriousness, and commitment, and _**gulp**_ …love. Was he in love with Abby?

What even IS love? Is love wanting to be with another person 24/7 and never being able to stop thinking about them? Because if so, he was in deep shit. Abby never left his mind for a second. Ducky had once told him that love was wanting to spend your whole life trying to make the other person smile. He supposed that was true. There was nothing more beautiful than a smiling Abby. Maybe he _was_ in love with her.

He was jolted out of his thoughts by the ringing of his desk phone.

"Yeah, DiNozzo,"

"TONY!" Abby squealed, "Finally! Where the hell have you been?"

"Abs, I'm sorry sweetheart,"

_Wait! Sweetheart? _

"Uh, yeah, we caught a case, and Gibbs has had us out of the office tracking leads since. What can I do for you?"

"I need your tight butt down here pronto, mr macho man!"

"Abby!" he hissed, blushing slightly at the reference to his hind quarters.

"Seriously Tony, Major Mass Spec is throwing a wobbly and I need to take a look properly, but he's a bit heavy to shift. I need to borrow your brute strength,"

Tony chuckled and adopted a Louisiana accent, "Well, hey there, little lady, I'm sure I can be of assistance,"

Abby laughed, "Ok! See you in a minute. I love you!"

"Love you too, Abs," he murmured and then hung up the phone. And then he froze. Did he just tell Abby he _loved_ her?

00000

He stopped and leant against the doorway to the lab, grinning at the sight of her dancing happily to Supergrass. He hadn't even been aware she liked Supergrass. She turned on the spot and beamed when she saw him.

"TONY!" she shrieked, and threw herself in his open arms, "I missed you,"

"Missed you too, Abs. What can I do to help?"

"Can you just carry Major Mass Spec through to my office and set him down on my table, please?"

"Sure Abs," he replied, and picked up the machine. It was indeed heavy. He shifted his grip to make sure he had a good hold of it and then followed Abby's request. She bounced after him and smiled when he set it on the table.

"Thankyou, Tee. That's all I needed,"

"What's wrong with it, uh, I mean, him?"

"Aw, Tony, that's sweet, but you don't wanna know that. You'll get bored!"

"Try me,"

"Fine, his electron gun is misfiring,"

Tony arched an eyebrow elegantly and smirked, elaborate.

"It's complicated. Do you even know what he does?"

"Sure, breaks down molecules into constituent elements, and can identify atoms and isotopes. I do listen when you talk, Abs," he replied, grinning at her shocked expression.

"Well, uh, the atoms, once they've been vaporised, have to be ionised so they're positive and so they're attracted to the negative plates and accelerated towards the magnetic field, where they get deflected, degree of which depending on m/z ratio, and then they get detected by receiving an electron again!"

"Sure," Tony replied.

Abby looked shocked.

"Abs, I'm not a total idiot, and, like I said, I do listen. It's not the first time you've told me how it, I mean he, works,"

"Riiiight,"

"So, what's the problem?"

"The electron gun. It's crucial to the entire process. It's basically ionisation. It fires a beam of high energy electrons at the atoms and knocks off outer electrons, making them positive ions, but there's something wrong with his gun. He keeps firing it funny and only catching the back end of the particles, so most of the sample just remains inside,"

"Wanna see if my electron gun is in perfect firing order?" Tony replied, a dirty smirk on his lips.

"Tony!" she cried, and whacked him in the chest.

"Oh, come on, Abs, did you not see how much of what you said could so be used as a euphemism?"

"Yes, but not between us, not since…,"

"What, Abs? Surely that gives me more reason to-"

"Tony, no. I need to know. Did it mean _anything_ to you?"

"ABS! It meant _everything_ to me. YOU mean everything to me, you always have,"

She smiled, her eyes full of tears.

"Abs, I think I'm fallin' for you,"

"I think it's mutual, Tony," she replied.

He grinned and sealed their lips together briefly.

"Now, Abs, about my electro-,"

"Tony, we've already verified your electron gun works perfectly fine. Your beam of electrons is definitely high energy, it definitely knocks 'electrons' or shall we say, little o's, off of me, and I'm definitely attracted to you. Think we've exhausted every possible euphemism yet?"

"I dunno, I think it needs testing again, and I'm pretty sure I've found the perfect test chamber," he said, before crushing his lips against hers. He could feel her smiling against his mouth before she participated in the kiss, slipping her tongue inside his mouth, and he reciprocated.

A throat was cleared, loudly.

Abby and Tony jerked apart and turned to see Ziva, McGee, Ducky, Palmer, and _Gibbs_.

Tony panicked.

"ABBY'S MAJOR MASS SPEC IS BROKEN!"

SMACK.

"_Ya think_, DINOZZO?"

**ah lol, the result of too much chemistry revision? :L**


End file.
